unmasked

when and when not to be a bitch

I’ve always lived my life out loud.

If I needed to say something, I said it.

If someone bothered me, I stopped them.

If there was something I wanted, I asked for it.

If I was angry, annoyed, or in love, I acted on it.

And yes, that makes me sound intolerable, but I promise I am only intolerable 49% of the time. Ok, like 50%.

In my house growing up, that’s just the way we did things. I wasn’t taught politeness or manners, I didn’t even understand what empathy was until my 30’s, but I was also never taught to hide or cover up. Sometimes your weaknesses are your greatest strengths. People can depend on my to tell the truth, which is so rare these days, and that builds trust.There was no “other version of me,” I was always myself; unmasked.

As I got older, people around me started working real office jobs while I started bartending and acting. In these more social, creative settings, I was never taught “professionalism.” I mean, of course I showed up early and did what was expected of me, but without corporate meetings and an HR department to fear, I never learned one couldn’t just do or say whatever one wanted, that it was best to hide your thoughts and replace them with smiles and nods. I am so fucking defensive I would last on day in a cubicle in midtown (actually, do people still have cubicles?)

I thought living out loud was the best way, the only way, to live. People are always saying to be “authentic” - and I was! I took the old adage “just be yourself” as scripture. But then…

(hear more stories around the theme UNMASKED at the next Written in Brooklyn Storytelling Series! - May 6th at Farm.One)