Community Spotlight: E.M. Gallagher
video + interview
I was lucky enough to meet Erin at Cara Alwill’s show, where she read about her wild past with such charm and honesty, I just knew I had to be friends with her. I very rarely invite non-students to perform at the Written in Brooklyn Storytelling Show, but I had to make an exception for her. And guess what!? Her new memoir just came out and you should get your hands on it! Support recovering party girls!
Watch Erin’s story, "The Distinguished Wakamba Cocktail Lounge,” (all the twists will leave you dizzy) and read about her book-writing process below!
xo
Carly
What part of the book was the hardest to write? Why?
The Acknowledgements? So, I’m kidding but not. It was so important to me to fully express my gratitude for all the people who have been a constant source of support and encouragement — the people who have been in my life when I was going through everything you read in the book. I wanted the acknowledgements to be a giant hug for those people.
There was also one relationship that was hard for me to write about because it was so draining. The way we broke up, how I had to rebuild afterward — it was difficult to revisit in the editing process because I didn’t always want to relive it. But, I did and I even expanded that section. In the end I think what I added made that story arc more complete. I showed more of what went down, which helped me remember why I was so so fortunate to not have stayed stuck in that relationship, and truly let it go.
Are there any parts of stories you don’t remember? If so, what do you do when that happens?
Definitely. Listen there’s 16 years of life in this book — and also maybe some whiskey involved in those 16 years. So there are moments that are definitely less defined than others. I will say, I consider myself lucky to have been a compulsive journaler and emailer during my dating years. When things were a little hazy, I had an archive to dig into to piece things together. If that didn’t yield the specifics I needed, I just tried to write into the feeling of the moment. For instance, I dated someone who I remember thinking about in terms of our age gap.
Almost 15 years after the fact, I absolutely couldn’t tell you what the actual gap was. I was in my 20s. He could have been five years older than me and he would have felt “old”. So when I wrote about him, I paid more attention to how, at that time, our age difference made me feel. I don’t think we ever need to make anything up to fill in lost details, though. We’re not computers, we’re not going to remember every single thing.
The way the story, the book makes someone feel is more important. And, if that is accurate, that’s what matters.
Were there any conversations you had to have with people who might be in your book before publishing?
Only one because we’re still friends. I actually let him read his chapters beforehand. But, I’m not in touch with the other men in the book and, because I use a naming convention (The Hipster, The Lawyer, etc.), I didn’t feel it necessary to reach out. Besides, I don’t go out to purposely hurt anyone or share secrets or stories of theirs. The stories I tell are from my perspective, as I lived them.
Did writing your book give you any kind of closure?
Oh, absolutely. I had grand plans to publish some stories that didn’t make the cut on Substack and write more about dating during the early aughts, but once I was done with the book, I was simply done. It felt like the perfect moment to move on and turn my attention to other topics.
Any advice you would give aspiring memoir writers?
This may sound silly, but really spend time thinking about the story you want to tell and why you’re telling it. When I first started writing these dating stories, they were very much about The Men. But when I began the process of writing the memoir and fleshing-out the different chapters and moments, I began to realize that it was a story about so much more than boys. It was a book about my career, my attempts to find myself and a life I loved, about learning how to choose myself over them, etc. So the book I ended up writing is different from what I began with because it became more my story.
Also: details. Readers want specifics. Remember that they didn’t live this with you. We need to know what scent lingered in the air, what you ate for breakfast, the color of the top you were wearing the day everything changed. Drop us into the moment with you.
What was your creative process? How long did it take you to write?
This book began as a blog, which I started in 2019. So, in one respect it took seven years. However, when I actually made up my mind to finish the stories, write the book, and put it out there into the world, that was about six months of writing and editing. I’ve never not worked full time, sometimes even working two or three jobs, so, historically, writing for me has very much been a find five minutes to write kind of thing. When I knew I was publishing the book, however, I locked in. I’d come home from work and write for a few hours at night, spend weekends editing, steal time at work whenever I could. Getting the book done, and making it the best it could be, became the priority.
Get your hands on E.M. Gallagher’s book immediately!
Ugh. Anyway… is a sharp, funny, deeply relatable memoir about dating, ambition, and the long road to self-acceptance. Set against the backdrop of New York City dating culture — from flip phones and phone numbers written on cocktail napkins to the emotional whiplash of dating apps — E.M. Gallagher traces the relationships that shaped her twenties and thirties, and the reckoning that followed as she entered her forties. These personal essays explore modern dating, heartbreak, and intimacy, but this is not a book about bad dates.
This is a book about waking up inside your own life and realizing something is off. About what happens when you keep choosing chemistry over clarity, potential over reality, and being chosen over choosing yourself. About navigating relationships while quietly struggling in a career that looks successful from the outside but feels wrong on the inside. About the low-grade anxiety of realizing you may have built a life that you no longer recognize yourself in, and the courage it takes to change course.
Buy the book here: Amazon | Barnes and Noble | Bookshop.org | Word Books
Such an honor! This was so fun! 🖤